on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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