I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
