i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize