you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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