I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
