Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas

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(440): View more from Ohio

basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning

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(269): View more from Michigan

A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.

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(705): View more from Ontario

I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks

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(419): View more from Ohio

While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....

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