found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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