Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
