i would punch a child for taco bell
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
