After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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