Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize