I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
