Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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