Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
