i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
