That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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