I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
