I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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