god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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