walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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