woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
