on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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