They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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