what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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