I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this boner is exhausting
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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