Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize