that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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