Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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