can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
