You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dignity is for republicans.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
