chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize