I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
