Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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