she woke up with a sticky ear
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
