To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
