It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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