so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
