The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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