I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
