so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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