guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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