I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hippo gnu deer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
