I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
