I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
