mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
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