you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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