My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We got so high we made milksteak
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
