Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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