good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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