I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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