I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
