This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
