You can't motorboat a personality
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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