I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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