I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
