the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
