So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
