Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
handjob tips. give me some.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
