Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
