you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You are the jesus of drinking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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