So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
