He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize