I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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