its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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