Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize