But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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