Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
