Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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