Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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