I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
