I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
