There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
