I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
