I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize