We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
