she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize