the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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