This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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