I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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