I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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