Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
