the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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