Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was like eating out sand paper
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
