I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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