Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
