did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
